Mom's 'crude' parenting trick to stop a toddler from whining sparks debate (2025)

This mom has a “crazy” hack for stopping a toddler from complaining — without saying the word, “No.”

“It’s important that kids are responsible and respectful and understand how to contribute effectively to their families and society,” Chelsea Lensing, a mother of two, tells TODAY.com.

Lensing, a college professor of economics, created a response for when she hears, “Mom, I’m hungry!” or “Mom, I’m bored!” from her 3-year-old in the backseat of the car.

“I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you have little kids, you have to try one of my favorite recent parenting techniques,” Lensing said in a TikTok video captioned, “My small contribution to making the next generation less entitled.”

Lensing continued, “This might sound a little crazy or a little crude, but ... I will explain how this has added so much value.”

In the video, Lensing shared:

“The other day, we were driving in the car and from the backseat ... she’s like, ‘Mom, I’m hungry,’” said Lensing, adding, “So, my response to her when she said she was hungry was, I said, ‘Oh, did you bring a snack?’”

When her daughter complains of being thirsty, Lensing similarly asks, “Hmm, did you bring your water bottle with you?”

The mom admitted, “Now, I know — this sounds a little harsh. I promise I’m not letting my kids go hungry. I am not letting them go thirsty. They’re very hydrated, well-fed kids. This is used in very specific scenarios” — specifically after her daughter ate a meal and before short trips.

Lensing explained, “It helps her understand that she has to take some responsibility in bringing something —especially in cases when, before we leave, I say, ‘Hey, sweetie, you might get thirsty when we’re doing this’ or ‘You might get bored. Do you want to bring a book to read?’”

If her daughter realizes she didn’t bring what she wants, her response is often, “Oh, shoot! No, I didn’t,’” said Lensing. When Lensing brings the item anyway, she says her daughter is grateful, not entitled.

“Yes, I’m responsible for keeping her healthy and hydrated,” says Lensing, “but for those extra things, she’s responsible — and she knows it.”

TikTokers responded:

• “You are raising adults!! Well done!”
• “I love this concept at the age of 5. Three and under does seem a little insane.”
• “As a teacher, thank you. I can tell ASAP when a child has never been responsible for a single thing in their life. Then they get to kindergarten and are lost because someone has always done everything for them.”
• “My 2 year old gets ready for the car with me. He helps and will even mention things I might have missed.”
• “I like this. I don’t bring snacks because I want my kid to be hungry at meal time. It helps curb pickiness and ... it’s OK to feel a bit of discomfort sometimes.”
• “A good technique for older kids but I think your kids are too young, so it’s not a developmentally appropriate expectation.”
• “I can agree with this at 5 and up. But 3? That’s a baby.”

“There’s a developmentally appropriate application to this — our eldest started talking really early,” Lensing tells TODAY.com.

On a recent car trip, Lensing’s daughter noticed that her 1-year-old sister had brought a doll as entertainment.

“She got really upset because she wanted a doll too,” says Lensing. “I said, ‘Did you bring one?’ and she said, ‘No. Next time, I’m going to bring a doll, too.’”

Lensing says her daughter was able to accept consequences with maturity and take accountability for what she needs at other times. Instead of complaining, “Mom, I can’t hear the music in the car,” says Lensing, she asks, “Can you please turn up the music?”

“Of course, there are limitations,” Lensing tells TODAY.com. “It’s teaching responsibility in cases where kids won’t be hurt or starving or thirsty if they don’t get what they need in the next five minutes.”

Before leaving home, Lensing asks her daughter, “Do you want to bring a snack or a book for the car?”

Sometimes, she answers no — and then changes her mind, leading to frustration and big emotions. Depending on the length of the car ride, the activity and her daughter’s mood, Lensing packs the items; other times she allows natural consequences.

The 'Ask, Say, Do' approach

Renae Beaumont, an assistant professor of psychology at Cornell University, says parents should encourage independence and problem-solving skills in children.

“Preparing in advance for outings is an important step to set them up for fun and success,” Beaumont tells TODAY.com in an email.“When children are very young, parents tend to take the lead with packing snacks, a water bottle and entertainment. As children develop, it’s great for them to take more responsibility for this planning and preparation. The goal is to give them the least amount of help needed to set them up for success.”

Beaumont suggests the “Ask, Say, Do” approach for children who are approximately 3 years old.

“It involves breaking complex or multi-step tasks down into their component steps and giving a child the minimal amount of support needed to successfully complete each one,” says Beaumont. She says the goal is for children to accomplish the task without parental help.

“The parent might first ask, ‘What’s the first thing we need to pack for our outing?’” she says. If the answer is, ‘I don’t know,’ adds Beaumont, the parent could add a prompt like, “Hmmm. What might we need to pack in case you get hungry?’”

“If the child still says ‘I don’t know,’ the parent can say, ’Let’s pack some snacks. Would you like an apple or orange? Let’s cut it up,’” says Beaumont.

If the child completes the step — and with minimal assistance — the parent can praise them (implementing the “Do”), using specific detail.

“Then the parent might ask, ‘What’s the next thing we need to pack for our outing?’” she says. “Showing pictures of required items as part of a visual schedule (e.g. a water bottle, snack, coloring book, crayons and backpack) can help a child to become more independent more quickly with doing tasks like packing a bag for an outing.”

The success of the method depends on the capability of the child, says Beaumont.

“If a child has a big emotional reaction, my advice would be to pick your battles,” says Beaumont, adding, “At 3 years old, we don’t want children to feel shameful for forgetting to pack their snacks and fun activities. We can calmly prompt them to try to remember next time, and offer to help.”